Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
