here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
