You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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