I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
