Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
