Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have aggressive nipples.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
