I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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