I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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