if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
