soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
