If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
