So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
