franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
