I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
