She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
