Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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