You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
