Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
