Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
