I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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