Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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