she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
