ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
