My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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