pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
