how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
