i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
