the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
