please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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