no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dick very happy bro
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