I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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