you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
