I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
