Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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