Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
