At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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