if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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