You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
