Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
