dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
