fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
