ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
