I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I look better un-naked...
you win again, gameday.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
