There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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