Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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