so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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