Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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