at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
