he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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