Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
