3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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