Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
