I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
