dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
