thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
