Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
